Rest

Three years ago, I moved from Pittsburgh, PA to Pasadena, CA for grad school. I had visited before I moved and was excited to live right outside L.A., one of the most diverse, densely populated, and exciting cities in the world. Even though I never thought of myself as much of a west coast person I was extremely excited to experience this neck of the woods, even if it was just while I was in school!

As much as I love the culture, the weather, the accessibility to beaches, mountains, and salsa dancing 7 days a week, there is one thing that I cannot stand about living here...TRAFFIC. Traffic in L.A. is like nothing I have ever seen in any other city because we live and die at the will of the freeways. That means 6, sometimes 8 lanes in each direction, average speed 75 mph, and a constant guessing game as far as how long it takes to get from any given point A to any given point B. It is an understood travel dynamic here that a destination that could take 20 minutes may actually take you 2 hours depending on traffic-this is no exaggeration. What has been most disconcerting for me is that my apartment complex is nestled about a stone's throw from one of those major freeways and the noise that comes from it is non-stop, day after day, night after night. It is this constant roar that never goes away. Closing my windows helps a great deal, but it doesn't eliminate the roar completely. I often feel like I have to sacrifice a cool breeze or the hopes of peace and quiet, because having both a cool breeze and peace & quiet is not an option where I live!

Even though I have lived here for 3 years, I have never gotten used to the noise, and I crave moments of true silence and stillness in the worst way, and probably because I can't have it unless I drive a couple hundred miles away...LITERALLY! It's so maddening sometimes that I often have fantasies of suspending banners across freeway overpasses that say "GIVE IT A REST ALREADY!! TAKE A DAY OFF FROM DRIVING! GIVE ME JUST ONE MOMENT OF PEACE AND QUIET! I also quietly wish that something would happen to the freeway that would suspend travel for a couple of days (not anything that would cause anyone harm of course!)

I think part of my motivation for this wish is based in a belief that if everything around me is going, going, going, then it is that much harder for me to just stop, and I think stopping once in a while is a necessary thing for me to do. Growing up in the church, we called the concept of stopping "Sabbath" aka a day of rest. It was supposed to be the day that you refrained from doing work as a means to restore and rejuvenate, directing your heart and sense of gratitude and praise toward God.

Lately it seems that recognizing a Sabbath, or a day of rest is more likely to be usurped by yet another day to get some shopping done, schlep the kids around, or get to those household chores you've had no time during the week to tackle. Every other day of the week has become "oh so busy" (A phrase I LOATHE by the way) that our busy-ness has become our second full time job.

Last Monday when I went into work my co-worker asked how my weekend was and I said it was great. He then replied his was also good, citing that he was "very productive." I thought about that all week. When Friday came around that same coworker asked me what I was doing over the weekend and I told him, with pride, "Absolutely nothing." I could have planned to clean my apartment, do the dishes, organize my closets, start reading for my summer classes, etc. But I didn't. I planned to rest. I planned to go for a walk around my neighborhood and smell flowers, and have a cup of tea.

I kept to most of the plan, but did stop at the grocery store, start a knitting project, and wrote this blog. It is SO hard for me to stop!!! I am obsessed with the notion that I must be doing something all the time. And if I am not doing something, my fat ass is plopped in front of a t.v. and let me just say, that does not count as rest! That, in my opinion is work for the lazy.

I miss living in a place where, "Sunday drivers" still means something. I miss the sound of silence, and resent that I have travel long distances to find it in the open air. I wonder too, if sitting in stillness and quietness can be done in the midst of L.A. traffic. Is rest something that can purely be a state of mind regardless of external disturbances?