Fish Fry

Ask me the first thing that pops into my head when you say the word "Lent" and I will surely respond "FISH FRY." Okay, I may say giving up chocolate or some other decadent delight, but a fish fry will definitely be up there. Why? Because I grew up in a Catholic family, in a predominantly Catholic town, and every Friday in Lent every Catholic Church you could think of had a fish fry (a very profitable endeavor for most churches I might add). Everyone would go to their home church, pay about 4 bucks or so, and you'd get the biggest, most delicious plank of fried fish you'd ever seen. Of course, the fish would be accompanied by a heaping mound of homemade mac-n-cheese, a green veggie of some sort, and a big old dollop of tartar sauce. I always loved a fish fry. Strangely though, I never fully understood why we had them, or what they had to do with Lent, easter, Jesus, or any spiritual matter...for that matter.

In my quest for the fishy truth, my well intended Catholic family members would explain that Jesus died on a Friday so we don't eat meat on Fridays in Lent to remember his sacrifice. A whosit says whatsit??? Does that mean that if I do eat meat on Friday that I am somehow connected to the death of Jesus??? A co-conspirator of sorts? Even as a Catholic school girl who faithfully attended religion class daily and church twice a week, I could never find a clear, straight answer, that actually made sense. The answers seemed like theological puzzle pieces that people were awkwardly trying to put together.

As a young adult, I still questioned the origin of the practice. At one point I heard that some pope back in the day had a connection to the local fishing industry, and declared that people eat fish to boost the local economy-and later attached spiritual significance to it, but I have never been able to find documentation verifying the clam...er, uh, I mean claim.

I really wanted to believe the fishing industry legend because it is the most logical explanation to date, and sounds so like a religious leader doesn't it? I can just see it...

Fisherman Joe: "Hey yo, Popey J...time's been tough down at the dock. People just ain't buyin these days you know?

Popey J: "Oh yeah? I'm sorry to hear that brother. Want me to say a couple hail Mary's for you tonight?"

Fisherman Joe: "You know PJ, I gotta better idea..."

(Fisherman Joe & Popey J develop a plan...)

-And there you have it... the origins of why we eat fish on Friday's in Lent.

The reality is however, that if such was the case, we'd probably be able to cite who, what, when, and where, such an exchange took place and I don't think anyone can.

As I have looked for answers regarding this tradition, I have learned once again that Catholic doctrine (Catholic beliefs that are written on the books) is sometimes very different than what Catholic people practice or understand. I think this is common of most religions where the church leaders are significantly more theologically educated than the lay people whose access to information about the religion is somewhat controlled (topic for another blog).

************Theological bore warning***************

Catholic doctrine says absolutely NOTHING about eating fish on Friday's during lent. Catholics are required to treat Fridays as a day of penitence (every Friday of the year, not just Lent) which means that they are to give up something that is a want/need in order to be reminded of their need for God and his sacrifice-this is referred to as "mortification." Prior to Vatican II it was mandated that the sacrifice be meat. After Vatican II it was determined that people could personalize the sacrifice, or make a sacrifice that was culturally/socially relevant to them. (Ex: Vegetarian Catholics wouldn't be sacrificing much if they gave up meat on Fridays!) Many Catholics have stuck with the no meat thing during Lent, but they have forgotten that penitential Fridays is a prescribed mandate 52 Fridays a year according to Catholic doctrine.

Still these questions remain: WHY NO MEAT and WHY IS FISH NOT CONSIDERED MEAT?? This is the part that continues to baffle me. I read from a Catholic encyclopedia and other Catholic resources that cite Old Testament sacrifices and views of "flesh and blood" as reasons. In other words, the amount of blood a piece of meat has, determines it's "meatiness." But the connections they draw as to why not eating meat on Fridays is significant for Christians are ambiguous and clumsy, yet Catholics often assert with confidence that the reasons make sense! This is what I have heard many times from those who are probably most informed on the matter, "Well, Jesus was the sacrificial lamb, so in honor of the sacrificial offering he made (on a Friday btw), we will abstain from eating the flesh of an animal, and that will remind us of our need for a savior."

Let me say this again, if I haven't said it already...

WWWWWWWWWWTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF???????????

Why not also say...Well Jesus was born on a Tuesday, and to remind ourselves that Jesus was a gift to the whole world we should drink a glass of water every Tuesday because water is cleansing, and Jesus is cleansing, and I want to be cleansed by Jesus, so yeah, water on Tuesdays forever.

Now just let me clarify, there is absolutely no harm in deciding to fast, sacrifice, or remember our own imperfections/needs. I gather that some people find it to be a very special discipline. I also don't want this to sound like a Catholic bashing session. I don't hate Catholics. My Grandma is Catholic and I love her to pieces. What concerns me is that people of all faiths adopt various, weird, idiosyncratic practices, and then they superimpose spiritual significance onto said practices, and then eventually those ambiguously rooted practices become ambiguously rooted dogma.

THEN you have people everywhere thinking they are somehow closer to God because they do some stupid little practice, that in the larger scheme of things is a spiritual-construct, that ends up having little significance to those who are so far removed from whatever quasi spiritual purpose the practice once had in the first place. It becomes something you just "do" and then that thing influences other people to appropriate the practices and the whole thing just gets silly.

If you think I am wrong, I challenge you to ask 5 priests, 5 Catholic lay people, and 5 non Catholics the following questions:

1. Will you be eating meat on Fridays in lent? Why? Why not?
2. Will you be eating fish on Fridays in lent? Why? Why not?
3. Will you be "giving something up" for Lent this year? Why? Why not?
4. What about the Bible or tradition supports any of the above practices?

Please report your findings, and please take note of the inconsistent answers you receive.

Will You Pray for Me?

Yes, I am a seminary student who has not actually prayed in about two years. Blame it on an existential crisis. Blame it on my newly found perspective that I no longer know what I am praying to, or the fact that I don't really know if or how it really works. Admittedly, these are my issues, and I consider myself to be on a life long journey to figure them out.

An existential crisis is all well and good for me as an individual, but as soon as someone I care about asks me those 5 frightening words in a time of crisis: "Will you pray for me?" Things get a little complicated. I can have my own existential crisis and be totally fine with it. Really, I can. But what do I do when a friend confides in me, her deepest sorrows, in a moment of trust and vulnerability, and in the midst of her pain she reaches out for a caring person to engage with the Divine on her behalf.

I hate the idea of saying, "yeah, sure, I'll pray for you," because I know that is a lie. I am not going to "pray" in the traditional sense. I am not going to get on my knees, fold my hands, bow my head and talk to a God I don't really know right now. It feels awkward, phony, and useless. But my friend is important to me. And while I do not know what I think about God at the moment, I do believe in the mystic presence of something. I do believe in the supernatural, the divine, and the fact that we can and should engage with it. I just don't know how to.

On the other hand, I don't want to be the annoying person who puts their own stupid little spiritual woes before the sincere pain of a person in need. That is just plain annoying and lame.

I really wanted to do something for my friend to let that cosmic force, divine creator, or whatever he/she goes by these days that I was advocating for her, and sincerely hoping for peace and contentment in her life. But I needed it to be authentic for me.

So I decided to search for meaning, authenticity and a guide to prayer at the 99cents Store.

I purchased some candles that always intrigue me when I am there. They are prayer candles that I think are mostly used in Mexican Catholic traditions. I think they are used for home altars. Either way, I am attracted to them. They look very ecclesiastical to me, but yet so accessible. I purchased two plain white ones, and one that had a picture of Mary on it because her heart was exposed, and I really like hearts. I purchased the candle with the intention of lighting it for my friend as an act of acknowledgement of her struggle, her fears, her hope, and my hope for her. I took the candle home, took it out of the bag and noticed that there is sweet little prayer written on the back of the candle.

I lit the candle that night as a gesture to my friend, and it gave me peace of mind knowing that I could actually engage with the Divine, on behalf of a friend in need, in the midst of having not one fricken clue who or what the Divine actually is. I hope my agnostic-ness is not a hindrance to her well being. We'll have to save that for another post.

Now when a person asks, "will you pray for me" I can respond knowing for sure that I don't have to be burdened by own uncertainties or the pressures to conform to a prescribed prayer structure.

So...

Yes, I will pray for you.

Terrific Journey on a Terrible Boot

On February 1, 2009, I set out on a Pittsburgh Pilgrimage for the purpose of accomplishing one simple task: to watch the Pittsburgh Steelers play against the Arizona Cardinals in Super Bowl XLIII with friends, family, and the most insane fans on the face of the planet. This trek was very close to a religious experience. It began as I arrived at LAX on Saturday morning representing my home town with a black and gold “Pittsburgh” scarf and a “boot” I was instructed to wear in order to protect a previously broken toe. I festively painted the boot black and gold, and called it a “Terrible Boot” in honor of the iconic and definitive Steelers fan symbol “The Terrible Towel.” It’s the tiny gold things you see waving around in the packed stadiums wherever the Steelers play.

As I awkwardly hobbled through the airport, I obtained my boarding pass and headed to the security checkpoint where the TSA officers snickered at my non-Arizona allegiance. When I arrived at my departure gate I was pleased to find that I was not alone. In fact, about 75% of the people waiting to board my plane were wearing black and gold, including the pilots! Everyone greeted each other with a sense of camaraderie that I have never experienced here in Los Angeles, ever! “Black and Gold” bridged black, white, young, old, first class, and coach. In addition to the unspoken but clearly felt unity among my fellow Pittsburgh pilgrims, there was an undeniable energy that buzzed throughout the plane as we boarded. We all knew that we were headed to the “Mecca” of the Steelers. The irony is that the Steelers were not even playing in Pittsburgh. The Super Bowl was in Tampa, Florida! But that did not stop fans (thousands nationwide) from traveling to “The Burgh” to join family and friends in watching what ended up being a sporting event for the ages. Prior to take off, our pilot introduced himself and welcomed us all aboard. He then played one of the many Steelers pep songs, “Here We Go” throughout the entire aircraft. People sang along in unison like we were at a church service! Then we took off.

Once I arrived in Pittsburgh, I realized that this whole Steelers thing, including the Pittsburgh Pilgrimage, (a term I coined in reference to the Pittsburgh Diaspora that reconvenes over the Steelers) was much bigger and more profound than I previously understood. Everyone at the Pittsburgh airport wore some kind of Steelers attire. Everyone was excited about the upcoming game. Everyone shared a common fraternal bond.

Only 33 hours passed between the time I landed in Pittsburgh and the time I got back on the plane headed back to Los Angeles. But in those 33 hours, I realized once again that the “Steelers Nation” (as it is so affectionately called) is an example of community that I do not see anywhere else. I don’t see it or experience it in school, in my neighborhood, and sadly, I don’t experience it within the church. Throughout the course of my visit I broke bread (in the form of a Primanti’s slaw and fries topped ‘sammitch’) with friends, chanted songs, and proudly adorned myself with symbols relevant to the occasion. I was received warmly by people from all over the country as they spotted my injured foot cradled in the “Terrible Boot.” And all of this was prior to the start of the actual game!

And what a game it was!!! I don’t think I need to get into the game. If you are a remote sports fan, you already know what I am talking about. If you are not a sports fan you don’t really need to know the details of the game, because the heart of this entire endeavor had little to do with football. The heart of the matter i.e. the Steelers, the people who live in Pittsburgh, the people who used to live there, and the people who are loyal fans from afar, is all about community and connection to a larger narrative. It is about staying faithful in good times and bad. It is about coming together for a common good. It is about long years of putting in dues that rarely pay off in the time frame in which you prefer.

The heart of “Steelers Nation” is that you become a part of something even if you can’t make the pilgrimage. You celebrate in a spirit of unity that cannot be easily matched these days. The narrative behind the Steelers is far more profound than the game of football itself, and that is what Pittsburghers (and fans) cling to. A narrative in which the hard workers, the ones with honor, the ones with character and humility, and even the ones who have failed & been broken in the past, emerge triumphant. Pittsburghers understand that story. It is their story, and it is the story that characterizes every aspect of their beloved Steelers, and above all, it is a story that many who are not from Pittsburgh can relate to as well.

Some people I’ve spoken too either don’t understand why Pittsburgh Steelers fans feel the way they way they do about a football team. Others think it borders idolatry. Admittedly, I didn’t understand it either until I actually moved away from Pittsburgh to Los Angeles and desperately longed for the sense of community I always took for granted back home. But as I twirled my terrible towel, wore my lucky number 7 Ben Roethlisberger jersey, (which is unusual for a non sporty person like myself-I mean I barely understand what a first down is!) and bore the pain of every celebratory jump on my broken toe, I knew I was at one with my Pittsburgh “peeps.” I was at one with my parents, aunts, uncles, friends and even grandmothers who I know were yelling at referees making bad calls, high fiving each other at each score made, dishing out the tough love when necessary, and cheering the Steelers on to historical defeats, and I was comforted by that reality.

I can’t help but see the connection between the “Steelers Nation” narrative, and other important narratives that we hold dear. I can’t help but think that there isn’t something to gain on a spiritual level from the example of Steelers fans who seem to have mastered the art of connecting to one another over a shared bond (in joyful times as well as bad) without regard to differences of any kind. Nothing was more evident of this than seeing a Muslim woman with her fully covered head peaking out of the sun roof of her car waving her terrible towel in celebration of the historical win, hipster kids with skinny jeans and old school Steelers beanies, and elderly, retirement home residents dancing in the streets with inebriated frat boys, on Pittsburgh’s historic Southside. Words are not sufficient in explaining the whole experience. Especially the tension felt when the Cardinals gave us a run for our money prior to the win! The collective fear was enough to send Sully Sullenberger over the edge!

As I make my way through this life journey, often feeling like my broken toe in one way or another, I continue to draw strength from the narratives that unite. For me, my “Terrible Boot” acts as a reminder of the reality that there is a back story, a struggle, and a hope for triumph for all of us in this journey. I cannot forget that. I continue to be amazed at the profound life lessons I learn through the Pittsburgh Steelers and their fans, and I look forward to supporting them as they make their way to the “Stairway to Seven!” GO STILLERS!