Will You Pray for Me?

Yes, I am a seminary student who has not actually prayed in about two years. Blame it on an existential crisis. Blame it on my newly found perspective that I no longer know what I am praying to, or the fact that I don't really know if or how it really works. Admittedly, these are my issues, and I consider myself to be on a life long journey to figure them out.

An existential crisis is all well and good for me as an individual, but as soon as someone I care about asks me those 5 frightening words in a time of crisis: "Will you pray for me?" Things get a little complicated. I can have my own existential crisis and be totally fine with it. Really, I can. But what do I do when a friend confides in me, her deepest sorrows, in a moment of trust and vulnerability, and in the midst of her pain she reaches out for a caring person to engage with the Divine on her behalf.

I hate the idea of saying, "yeah, sure, I'll pray for you," because I know that is a lie. I am not going to "pray" in the traditional sense. I am not going to get on my knees, fold my hands, bow my head and talk to a God I don't really know right now. It feels awkward, phony, and useless. But my friend is important to me. And while I do not know what I think about God at the moment, I do believe in the mystic presence of something. I do believe in the supernatural, the divine, and the fact that we can and should engage with it. I just don't know how to.

On the other hand, I don't want to be the annoying person who puts their own stupid little spiritual woes before the sincere pain of a person in need. That is just plain annoying and lame.

I really wanted to do something for my friend to let that cosmic force, divine creator, or whatever he/she goes by these days that I was advocating for her, and sincerely hoping for peace and contentment in her life. But I needed it to be authentic for me.

So I decided to search for meaning, authenticity and a guide to prayer at the 99cents Store.

I purchased some candles that always intrigue me when I am there. They are prayer candles that I think are mostly used in Mexican Catholic traditions. I think they are used for home altars. Either way, I am attracted to them. They look very ecclesiastical to me, but yet so accessible. I purchased two plain white ones, and one that had a picture of Mary on it because her heart was exposed, and I really like hearts. I purchased the candle with the intention of lighting it for my friend as an act of acknowledgement of her struggle, her fears, her hope, and my hope for her. I took the candle home, took it out of the bag and noticed that there is sweet little prayer written on the back of the candle.

I lit the candle that night as a gesture to my friend, and it gave me peace of mind knowing that I could actually engage with the Divine, on behalf of a friend in need, in the midst of having not one fricken clue who or what the Divine actually is. I hope my agnostic-ness is not a hindrance to her well being. We'll have to save that for another post.

Now when a person asks, "will you pray for me" I can respond knowing for sure that I don't have to be burdened by own uncertainties or the pressures to conform to a prescribed prayer structure.

So...

Yes, I will pray for you.