Proposition 8 Revisited: Lesson Learned

A couple of weeks ago I posted a link on Facebook to a blog concerning Proposition 8, a measure being voted upon in the state of California. In the simplest of terms, a “yes” vote to Prop 8 is a “no” vote to same-sex marriage, and a “no” vote to Prop 8 is a “yes” vote to same-sex marriage-in our state.

When I first heard of Proposition 8 I knew I was voting against it, but I didn’t think much about making that decision public. I don’t think much about publicizing my views on any of the Propositions, partly because I think people should be educating themselves on these issues, and I also think people are exhausted and burnt out by the back and forth arguing over politics. I also think that when it comes to gay rights, no matter where you stand on the spectrum, people tend to be pretty set in their ways (wisdom has taught me to choose my battles).

That all changed when I read one woman’s story on Alphwoman.com. This woman eloquently shared from the heart her desires to build a family with her children and the love of her life in a way that would be validated not by the church, but by the state. Hearing her story and her struggle hit a nerve for me and prompted me to share her post on my Facebook page. Her perspective (for me) put a face on the issue. She humanized it, and made it more than just a matter of opinion. Since I was already planning to vote “no” on Prop 8 (in support of same sex marriage) I sent her a note telling her I would be thinking of her family when I voted on Nov. 4. She replied with gratitude and it was a lovely exchange.

I posted the article as a newsfeed onto my Facebook profile and to my surprise, no one responded. Usually a touchy subject like same-sex marriage is sure to ruffle some feathers, but this time around it didn’t so it kind of faded out of my mind. I continued to stand by my decision to vote “no” on Prop 8 though. I should also note, I had no interaction or feedback from that post that would prepare me for what I experienced today.

While I was at work today, sitting behind the front desk of an on campus office at my school (Fuller Theological Seminary), a woman approached me for direction to another office. I gave her the guidance and off she went. About ten minutes later (or so) she came back to my desk and pointed out that she recognized my name and asked if I was the same woman who posted my views about Proposition 8 online. Stunned by her memory I confirmed my identity. She then proceeded to ask me (in a seemingly patronizing tone) if I was fully aware of what I was voting for, to which my answer was, “Yes.” She then continued to tell me in an almost urgent tone a litany reasons why I should “yes” to Prop 8.

Her position led me to suspect that she has been greatly influenced by the commercials sponsored by various groups including Focus on the Family, which are scaring people into thinking that their children are going to learn how to be gay in school. I also gathered that she held very strong convictions that were very different than mine. From that point I simply decided to disengage from debate and told her that I have made an informed decision to vote “No” on Prop 8. I also acknowledged that this is often an emotional issue and one that she and I will not agree on.

She appeared to be frustrated, and a little angry. She had that nervous tremble in her voice that I often get when my adrenaline is pumping and her face was getting red. She then ended the conversation by sharing that she wanted to make sure I ‘understood’ what Prop 8 was about because she couldn’t believe that “someone from ‘Fuller’” would take such a stance.

This interaction offended and saddened me to the core of my being in a variety of ways.

1. This woman, whom I don’t even know went out of her way to tell me to my face that I am wrong.
2. She assumed that my position was ill-informed
3. She arrogantly positioned herself as a person who “knows clearly” what God says.
4. She is a complete stranger who took it upon herself to engage in an antagonistic conversation at my place of employment.
5. Her closing remarks in our conversation were nothing short of insulting.

What is additionally disturbing is that I am pretty sure this woman is not on Facebook, and if she is, she is not on my friend list. I’d like to think that maybe someone passed my post along for the sake of informing others or for the sake of engaging in dialogue regardless of where they stand on the issue, but the jaded cynic in me thinks that one of my Fuller “brothers” or “sisters” didn’t have the gumption to challenge my opinion or choices directly, and instead used my post to form and inform some kind of an opposing allegiance. I really truly hope I am wrong.

Whatever the case, I would like to take this opportunity to make a couple of things clear:

1. Fuller Theological Seminary is not a static entity and just because I go here and work here doesn't mean I adhere to all of the positions that Fuller adheres to as an institution. Fuller is a place where many people are in the process of looking at a variety of issues with critical reflection and diverse perspectives. We do not agree on all things. In fact, I am pretty sure many people are attracted to Fuller for that very reason.
2. Not everyone agrees that the Bible is “clear” about the things we have grown to believe are clear. This does not mean that those of us who are critical questioners are less “Christian” or less in tune with God. It means we think and interpret things differently. Throughout our history Christians have disagreed over valid hermeneutical and cultural concerns. Views on homosexuality are based on valid hermeneutical concerns, and should not simply or flippantly be dismissed as a disobedience or sin issue.

I was going to continue this post by defending my position on Prop 8, but I truly believe that where I stand on the matter is irrelevant to the core issue of my interaction today. The core issue is that for some, politics and religion seem to have become more important than person and relationship. The woman who came to my desk today did not respectfully show an interest in me as a person, nor did she care to learn about what has shaped my views. She was hell bent on “informing” my vote in a way that sure felt like she wanted me to change it.

I sense that many Christians are concerned that gay people are going to destroy the “decency and morality of marriage” (a positively stunning viewpoint- in light of the fact that heteros are doing just fine destroying marriage all by themselves) and because of aggressive fear based marketing, believe that gay people are setting forth on an agenda to pervert our school systems and make little girls want to “marry princesses.” These assertions are problematic for me because they do not reflect the real relationships in my life with people who do love someone of the same gender. Those relationships and experiences matter.

I do believe that the woman who visited me today is motivated by a sincere desire to do right by God. In a perfect world she would understand that she is not the only one that is trying to do right by God in this life. She is not the only one asking questions, and she is not the only one doing her research. In a perfect world she would understand that similar motivations to 'do right by God' by humans, have in the past, and will continue to yield different conclusions among people who do in fact claim to hear from the same God. Just ask the Catholics and the Protestants in Ireland about that.

In that same perfect world she would also understand that if she ever wanted to express the love of God to me, she would have at least invited me for a cup of coffee before beating me over the head, at my place of employment with her politics. I guess the lesson learned today is that we don’t live in a perfect world.